Angelina Jolie Fact Of The Week

Angelina Jolie's nipples are actually detachable shurikens.

Vin Diesel Fact Of The Week

Vin Diesel's birth inspired the last part of 2001: A Space Odyssey.

Angelina Jolie Fact Of The Week

Angelina Jolie's actual father was Odd Job.

Totally True Thing Of The Week

Bill Clinton repeatedly abused presidential power by confiscating all food at local McDonald's to test for "bio-weapons."

Angelina Jolie Fact Of The Week

When frightened, Angelina Jolie can inflate the area around her labia like a blow fish, using her super-hard pubic hair as a defense.

Vin Diesel Fact Of The Week

Vin Diesel was banned from Los Angeles after the glare from his head and glimmering pecs kept causing multi-car pileups.

Totally True Thing Of The Week

People in France don't actually speak French. It's a giant ruse intended to make it easier for them to have non-committal sex with tourists. Their actually language is English with a thick, Brooklyn-like accent.

Reason You Might Be An Asshole

You have ever complained about another person's lawn.

Angelina Jolie Fact Of The Week

Angelina Jolie was originally cast in the film Big Trouble In Little China as the evil sorcerer Lo Pan, but she had to turn the part down to do homework. One of her scenes did make it in to the final cut, though, where Lo Pan blinds Jack Burton with light from his mouth.

Vin Diesel Fact Of The Week

Early in his career, Vin Diesel was a stunt double for Krillin on Dragon Ball Z.

Reason You Might Be An Asshole

You have ever complained about money while sitting in a Starbucks with your Apple laptop out.

Angelina Jolie Fact Of The Week

Angelina Jolie's experience in her first day of Kindergarten inspired the movie Scanners.

Vin Diesel Fact Of The Week

Vin Diesel can rhyme the word "orange."

Vin Diesel Fact Of The Week

Vin Diesel thinks that shave ice is for pussies. He prefers shave brick.

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Vin Diesel Fact Of The Week

Most people carve their names into trees. Vin Diesel carves his name into people.

Angelina Jolie Fact Of The Week

Angelina Jolie was born pregnant. She has a 75-year gestation period, at the end of which, during her death throes, she will vomit up a large egg pod, leaving her body broken and dead. The egg pod will hatch almost immediately, whereupon the larvae will consume the body, mate for the first and only time in its life, and nest underground until, when the wet season arrives, a fully-formed Angelina will emerge.

Vin Diesel Fact of the Week

Vin Diesel once brought the hurt. The event is now known as the Permian-Triassic Extinction Event.

Angelina Jolie Fact of the Week

Angelina Jolie grew a third foot on her nipple.

Explanation

Vin Diesel Fact of the Week

Vin Diesel once killed a man with a high-velocity booger.

Vin Diesel Fact Of The Week

The Bloop was actually Vin Diesel emerging from his abyssal cave where he slumbers once per century. He rockets towards the surface, riding the supersonic shockwave caused by his pectoral muscles as they fling the entrance open. He swam the route he takes for mating, feeding on giant squid along the way, and emerged on the beaches of France just in time to be cast in Saving Private Ryan.

Angelina Jolie Fact of The Week

When getting a Brazilian, Angeline Jolie uses Gorilla Glue.

Vin Diesel Fact Of The Week

Vin Diesel's mother was Dirty Harry.

Reason You Might Be An Asshole

You have ever worn a t-shirt espousing a particular dietary lifestyle. This applies to bumper stickers, too. If you have both, just die.

Angelina Jolie Fact of The Week

Angelina Jolie after she hasn't eaten for a few hours was Vinnie Jones' inspiration for his role as Juggernaut in X-Men: The Last Stand.

Reason You May Be An Asshole

You have ever told someone why they're exercising incorrectly, while you do not have six-pack abs and arms as big as hams. Double points if you are sitting down while you say this.

Vin Diesel Fact of The Week

Vin Diesel has small nipples on each of his abdominal muscles that only become visible after his children have left a slit on the back of his head and climbed down into a pouch that's just above his crotch.

Angelina Jolie Fact of the Week

Angelina Jolie was actually the one who killed Osama Bin Laden.

Vin Diesel Fact of the Week

Vin Diesel can detach his scrotum and testicles and use them as bolas to snare prey.

Angelina Jolie Fact of the Week

When Angelina Jolie sneezes, her lips spread two feet apart before smacking back together at near the speed of sound. The shockwave has been known to break windows and stun small children and birds.

The Game of Life Rules of the Week

Happy Homo Rules:

Every player must marry the same sex. Every player must pay $10,000 to travel to Massachusetts to get married. All players must be dressed in bondage gear.

If a player lands on a "Have a Child" square, they must kidnap a homeless, teenage surrogate parent of the opposite sex with which to sire the child. That surrogate is treated as two children at all child-related squares.

If a player spins a ten, they get caught tapping their shoes in an airport bathroom and become embroiled in a national controversy. Lose a turn.

Angelina Jolie Fact of the Week

Angelina Jolie maintains her beauty with a potion she got from Isabella Rossellini.

Vin Diesel Fact of the Week

A key element of George W. Bush's missile defense plan was to fire Vin Diesel at any incoming ICBM's.

Angelina Jolie Fact of the Week

Angelina Jolie pops zits with a .357 magnum.

Vin Diesel Fact of the Week

When frightened by predators, Vin Diesel's head falls off to give his body a chance to get away. A second head awaits in reserve and takes only a few hours to grow back.

Angelina Jolie Fact of the Week

Because of heightened security around airports, terrorists instead attempted to hijack Angelina Jolie's lips and crash them into a building.

Vin Diesel Fact of the Week

Vin Diesel thinks that guns are for pussies. He throws bullets at people.

Angelina Jolie Fact of the Week

For New Year's eve, Angelina Jolie celebrated by firing herself out of a canon. After her sub-orbital flight, she crash landed in Paris where she was immediately heralded as a resurrected Brigitte Bardot, sent by God to save them from whatever the fuck the French are having a problem with. Then they remembered that Brigitte Bardot isn't dead and they all went home.

Angelina Jolie Fact of the Week

When woven into a mesh, Angelina Jolie's pubic hair is bullet-proof.

The Game of Life Rules of the Week

Mormon Rules: Everyone must be a man.

Before the game starts, all players must go out and harass all of their neighbors for an hour. It's a game, so you can do anything, just so long as it annoys them and causes them to pretend like they're not home.

When a player lands on the "Get Married" square, they must marry at least 2 wives. The marrying player receives $100,000 in gifts for every wife he marries.

If a player lands on a "Have a Child" square, the player will have that number of children with each of their wives.

If the game runs out of pegs for children, start using Jujubes.

If a player spins a 10, they suffer religious prejudice and are thrown in jail for three turns. It's helpful to have a Monopoly board for this.

Angelina Jolie Fact of the Week

Confused by the name, Angelina Jolie once tried eating an entire Piggly Wiggly.

Vin Diesel Fact of the Week

Vin Diesel's earliest movie role was Love-a-lot Bear's stunt double from Care Bears the Movie II.

Vin Diesel Facts

I just found out that Vin Diesel facts are being done already. I think I was still ahead of the curve, since I was writing them on my MySpace blog back in 2007.

Angelina Jolie Fact of the Week

By squeezing her eyes very tightly, Angelina Jolie can force out eye lashes at high speeds as semi-lethal projectiles.

Vin Diesel Fact of the Week

Vin Diesel isn't wearing a muscle shirt. It's part of his skin.

Angelina Jolie Fact of the Week

When camping, Angelina Jolie starts fires by rubbing her legs together.

Vin Diesel Fact of the Week

Vin Diesel is the Juggernaut, bitch!

Angelina Jolie Fact of the Week

Angelina Jolie doesn't have an OB-GYN. She has a mechanic.

Vin Diesel Fact of the Week

Vin Diesel's penis is a second, smaller Vin Diesel in a muscle shirt.

Angelina Jolie Fact of the Week

The conflict in Darfur was accidentally caused by an escalation in a conflict between Madonna and Angelina Jolie over starving children.