Thursday, February 28, 2013

Angelina Jolie Fact of the Week

Angelina Jolie was indispensable in late 1980's American spy work in the Soviet Union because of her ability to transform into a microwave oven.

Monday, February 25, 2013

The Game of LIFE Rules Of The Week


One player is the game manager. This person does not play.

All other players are assassins. They are living in suburbia as cover. On any turn, before spinning to move, they can spin to determine if they either try to kill or defend against a killing from another player.

On every turn, a player turns in a piece of paper saying what they want to do on that turn. This is kept secret from everyone but the game manager. If they choose to try to kill another player, they must spin. Evens, they fail to kill the other player, odds, they successfully kill the other player.

If they choose to defend themselves, evens means they fail and can still die if attacked, odds means they succeeded and cannot be killed on that turn.

If a player is killed, on every turn they must spin to determine if they reveal themselves to have never been dead, but merely lying low. If they spin a 9 or 10, they come back to life. Otherwise, they wait.

After coming back to life, they can place themselves at any point on the board between the other players, but do not receive whatever is on their square. They are given the opportunity to revenge kill the person who killed them. If they spin an 7, 8, 9, or 10, they successfully revenge kill. A revenge kill cannot be blocked nor can it be re-revenged.

If two players land on the same square, they must have a knife fight. They spin to determine who wins. The losing player loses their next turn, including their ability to defend or kill.

Children are not actually children, but tiny assassins hired to masquerade as children. Before any spin, a player may place their child assassins anywhere on the board. If a player lands on the spot with the tiny assassin, they are automatically killed. Players may continue to place their tiny assassins on the board even while they are "dead."

At the end of the game, players count up their money. The player with the most money moves to Millionaire Acres, which is a reinforced compound. The other players must go to Countryside Estates and fight.

Players spin. The highest spinner can deliver a knife strike to another player. All players have five hit-points. Players can spin to block a hit, if they spin an 8, 9, or 10, they block the strike. If they fail, they lose two hit-points.

The final surviving player must then fight the final boss: the player with the most money. The final boss has all five hit points, while the attacking player has however many they had after the knife fight. The attacking player spins to determine if they achieve a surprise attack. 7, 8, 9, or 10 delivers two hit points damage. The fight then continues ordinarily.

The surviving player is the winner.

A joke

A joke that I wrote:

What happens when two mummies fart at the same time?

They have a toot in common.

Tuesday, February 12, 2013

Vin Diesel Fact of the Week

Vin Diesel's ass is so tight, he does not poop. Instead, his powerful muscles compact the excrement into super-dense pellets and store them in his colon, awaiting the day when he will evolve into his final form, a sentient black hole.