Thursday, December 27, 2012

Angelina Jolie Fact Of The Week


Angelina Jolie has been the javelin for every gold medal Olympian for the past eighteen years.

Wednesday, December 19, 2012

Reason You May Be An Asshole


You wear old, tattered clothing because it's "ironic," without realizing that it is ironic because you are saying you look poor and needy even though you totally aren't. Isn't that funny?!

Tuesday, December 18, 2012

Vin Diesel Fact Of The Week


Vin Diesel doesn't burn bridges behind him; he burns bridges in front of him because he doesn't need any fucking bridges.

Monday, December 17, 2012

Angelina Jolie Fact Of The Week

Angelina Jolie is worshiped by a number of Christian splinter groups as the direct descendant of the cross on which Jesus was crucified.

Saturday, November 10, 2012

Angelina Jolie Fact Of The Week


By concentrating, Angeline Jolie can squeeze through the spaces separating subatomic particles, thus allowing her to walk through walls and destroy foes from the inside.

Thursday, November 1, 2012

Vin Diesel Fact Of The Week


The only time that Vin Diesel was ever sexually satisfied was after mating with a Ford F-350.

Tuesday, October 9, 2012

Angelina Jolie Fact Of The Week


Angelina Jolie's actual father was the Transformer Soundwave.

You can see the family resemblance in the eyes.

Saturday, October 6, 2012

Vin Diesel Fact Of The Week


Some people can ride bicycles with no hands because they were forced to after Vin Diesel ripped them off.

Wednesday, September 19, 2012

Reason You May Be An Asshole


You've ever read a book at a cafe and spent most of your time fantasizing about what you'll talk about if anyone asks what you're reading. Bonus points if you're reading Kerouac, Nietzsche, or Burroughs.

Friday, September 14, 2012

Sunday, September 2, 2012

Vin Diesel Fact Of The Week


Most people play catch with their son. Vin Diesel plays catch with his son with other people's sons.

Sunday, July 29, 2012

Vin Diesel Fact Of The Week


When having an orgasm, Vin Diesel screams "This. Is. Sparta!"

Thanks to Danielle for this weeks fact.

Monday, July 16, 2012

Thursday, June 21, 2012

Vin Diesel Fact Of The Week


Vin Diesel's thighs are actually hollow, spring-loaded mechanisms into which he draws his lower legs, allowing him to launch upward to clear tall obstacles, blast head-first through them, or compete in head-butting competitions with other Vin Diesels for females.

Sunday, June 10, 2012

Angelina Jolie Fact Of The Week


Angelina Jolie eats like a starfish. She clings to her prey, her stomach exits out her navel, ejaculates acidic fluids, and digests it outside of her body.

Saturday, June 2, 2012

Vin Diesel Fact Of The Week


Vin Diesel is actually a conglomeration of smaller, hyper-muscled creatures. He is thus very similar to the Decepticon Devastator.

Thursday, May 24, 2012

Angelina Jolie Fact Of The Week


Angelina Jolie's first job was as a helicopter blade during the Gulf War.

Vin Diesel Fact Of The Week


Some people carve their name into trees with knives. Vin Diesel carves his name into trees with his nipples.

Thursday, May 17, 2012

Angelina Jolie Fact Of The Week


Angelina Jolie is actually a 12-year-old girl who put a quarter into Zoltar Speaks.

She then ate Zoltar.

Sunday, May 13, 2012

Vin Diesel Fact of the Week


If you drop a penny off of the Empire State building, it can kill someone on the ground. If you drop Vin Diesel off of the Empire State building, he can kill someone in China.

Saturday, May 5, 2012

Vin Diesel Fact Of The Week


Vin Diesel's pencils don't have erasers because he never makes mistakes. Actually, Vin Diesel doesn't even have pencils. He sticks skinny people into a pencil sharpener and writes in their blood.

Thanks to Jay for this week's fact.

Friday, April 27, 2012

Saturday, April 21, 2012

Vin Diesel Fact Of The Week


Having been born from a giant egg, Vin Diesel had his bellybutton surgically attached to better approximate a human physique.

Sunday, April 15, 2012

Angelina Jolie Fact Of The Week

Jon Voight has been dead for over a decade. Angelina Jolie simply wears his skin around town, every now and then, to convince people that he's still alive. This explains why Voight took that role in the movie Bratz. Jolie couldn't hear very well through the disguise and thought the agent was saying Cats, which she has always loved.

Tuesday, April 10, 2012

Totally True Thing Of The Week

Newt Gingrich once passed off Fancy Feast as pâté at a campaign dinner. No one noticed.

Tuesday, April 3, 2012

Angelina Jolie Fact Of The Week

Angelina Jolie's milkshake brings all the boys to the yard, where she, being a large trap-door spider, lunges out and drags them to their doom.

Friday, March 30, 2012

Vin Diesel Fact Of The Week


Vin Diesel laughs so that he may not weep. He also laughs because he enjoys killing people.

Thursday, March 29, 2012

Totally True Thing Of The Week

Newt Gingrich was actually turned inside-out in a tragic laundry accident over thirty years ago.

Sunday, March 25, 2012

Reason You May Be An Asshole

You have ever, ever, referred to someone with "brah" or "bro" or any permutation thereof.

Friday, March 23, 2012

Monday, March 19, 2012

Vin Diesel Fact Of The Week

Vin Diesel was discovered encased in a human-shaped, ashen shell in Pompeii. He had slept through it.

Sunday, March 11, 2012

Angelina Jolie Fact Of The Week


Angelina Jolie didn't legally adopt her children. She smuggled them out of various countries in her lips.

Sunday, February 19, 2012

Vin Diesel Fact Of The Week

Vin Diesel once bit off the head of Ozzy Osbourne on stage. Of course Ozzy, being a giant sea cucumber, immediately grew a new one.

Monday, February 6, 2012

Vin Diesel Fact Of The Week

Vin Diesel doesn't have a skeleton. He has muscles attached to smaller, tightly-wound muscles.

Friday, January 27, 2012

Angelina Jolie Fact Of The Week

Angelina Jolie was born when one of the veins on Jon Voight's forehead actually popped off and landed in a potted plant.

Friday, January 20, 2012

Angelina Jolie Fact Of The Week

Angelina Jolie can rub her legs together to create a super-energetic sonic wave that can punch through a building.

Thursday, January 5, 2012