Tuesday, November 2, 2010

Game of Life Rules of the Week

White Rules:

Gangsta Rap must be played during the game at all times, since only rich white kids seem to be listening to it.

Every spin, you have to pay the lowest bidder to spin for you, since white people can't do anything. Other players will bid to spin. ANYTHING can be bid.

Every player must go to college, but must spin evens or odds after their spin to determine if they move forwards or backwards, since white kids never get it right the first time. (If stuck in college for more than fifteen turns, Daddy buys you out and you auto-graduate with a C-average.)

Every player must select three house cards at random and select the most expensive house they get, even if they have to take out loans for it, because white people utterly, desperately, absolutely need the biggest house that they can get.

If any player is a minority, white players must never be within three squares of his or her car, since white people are afraid of anyone who doesn't look like them. The minority player also becomes the landscaper, nanny, and spinner for any white players.

The minority player is paid 1% of the value of white people's houses on every pay day by the white players. The minority player is paid $100 per child from all white players. The minority player must be paid 10$ times the spin number.

The minority player cannot take out loans, but can choose to go to college at any point in the game and then return to their previous spot.

If everyone is a minority, either choose based on the group (i.e. if someone is white in a group of blacks, the white plays the minority) or randomly select a minority based on spin.

All white players must talk shit about someone when he/she is in the bathroom.

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