Angelina Jolie Fact Of The Week

Angelina Jolie has been the javelin for every gold medal Olympian for the past eighteen years.

Reason You May Be An Asshole

You wear old, tattered clothing because it's "ironic," without realizing that it is ironic because you are saying you look poor and needy even though you totally aren't. Isn't that funny?!

Vin Diesel Fact Of The Week

Vin Diesel doesn't burn bridges behind him; he burns bridges in front of him because he doesn't need any fucking bridges.

Angelina Jolie Fact Of The Week

Angelina Jolie is worshiped by a number of Christian splinter groups as the direct descendant of the cross on which Jesus was crucified.

Vin Diesel Fact Of The Week

Vin Diesel travels by lighting his farts.

Angelina Jolie Fact Of The Week

Angelina Jolie moonlights as a BBQ spit.

Angelina Jolie Fact Of The Week

By concentrating, Angeline Jolie can squeeze through the spaces separating subatomic particles, thus allowing her to walk through walls and destroy foes from the inside.

Vin Diesel Fact Of The Week

The only time that Vin Diesel was ever sexually satisfied was after mating with a Ford F-350.

Special Eyes

Angelina Jolie Fact Of The Week

Angelina Jolie's actual father was the Transformer Soundwave.

You can see the family resemblance in the eyes.

Vin Diesel Fact Of The Week

Some people can ride bicycles with no hands because they were forced to after Vin Diesel ripped them off.

Reason You May Be An Asshole

You've ever read a book at a cafe and spent most of your time fantasizing about what you'll talk about if anyone asks what you're reading. Bonus points if you're reading Kerouac, Nietzsche, or Burroughs.

Vin Diesel Fact Of The Week

Vin Diesel turns off the light before bed by smashing it with his face.

Vin Diesel Fact Of The Week

Most people play catch with their son. Vin Diesel plays catch with his son with other people's sons.

Angelina Jolie Fact Of The Week

Angelina Jolie prefers to travel by trebuchet.

Vin Diesel Fact Of The Week

When having an orgasm, Vin Diesel screams "This. Is. Sparta!"

Thanks to Danielle for this weeks fact.

Angelina Jolie Fact Of The Week

Angelina Jolie's Great-Great Grandmother was Paul Bunyan's axe.

Vin Diesel Fact Of The Week

Vin Diesel's father was Gigantor.

Vin Diesel Fact Of The Week

Vin Diesel's thighs are actually hollow, spring-loaded mechanisms into which he draws his lower legs, allowing him to launch upward to clear tall obstacles, blast head-first through them, or compete in head-butting competitions with other Vin Diesels for females.

Angelina Jolie Fact Of The Week

Angelina Jolie eats like a starfish. She clings to her prey, her stomach exits out her navel, ejaculates acidic fluids, and digests it outside of her body.

Vin Diesel Fact Of The Week

Vin Diesel is actually a conglomeration of smaller, hyper-muscled creatures. He is thus very similar to the Decepticon Devastator.

Angelina Jolie Fact Of The Week

Angelina Jolie's first job was as a helicopter blade during the Gulf War.

Vin Diesel Fact Of The Week

Some people carve their name into trees with knives. Vin Diesel carves his name into trees with his nipples.

Angelina Jolie Fact Of The Week

Angelina Jolie is actually a 12-year-old girl who put a quarter into Zoltar Speaks.

She then ate Zoltar.

Vin Diesel Fact of the Week

If you drop a penny off of the Empire State building, it can kill someone on the ground. If you drop Vin Diesel off of the Empire State building, he can kill someone in China.

Vin Diesel Fact Of The Week

Vin Diesel's pencils don't have erasers because he never makes mistakes. Actually, Vin Diesel doesn't even have pencils. He sticks skinny people into a pencil sharpener and writes in their blood.

Thanks to Jay for this week's fact.

Angelina Jolie Fact Of The Week

Angelina Jolie once butchered a live cow with her shoulder blades.

Vin Diesel Fact Of The Week

Having been born from a giant egg, Vin Diesel had his bellybutton surgically attached to better approximate a human physique.

Angelina Jolie Fact Of The Week

Jon Voight has been dead for over a decade. Angelina Jolie simply wears his skin around town, every now and then, to convince people that he's still alive. This explains why Voight took that role in the movie Bratz. Jolie couldn't hear very well through the disguise and thought the agent was saying Cats, which she has always loved.

Vin Diesel Fact Of The Week

Vin Diesel can blow glass with his nipples.

Totally True Thing Of The Week

Newt Gingrich once passed off Fancy Feast as pâté at a campaign dinner. No one noticed.

Angelina Jolie Fact Of The Week

Angelina Jolie's milkshake brings all the boys to the yard, where she, being a large trap-door spider, lunges out and drags them to their doom.

Vin Diesel Fact Of The Week

Vin Diesel laughs so that he may not weep. He also laughs because he enjoys killing people.

Totally True Thing Of The Week

Newt Gingrich was actually turned inside-out in a tragic laundry accident over thirty years ago.

Reason You May Be An Asshole

You have ever, ever, referred to someone with "brah" or "bro" or any permutation thereof.

Angelina Jolie Fact Of The Week

Angelina Jolie's puberty inspired the character of Doctor Manhattan from Watchmen.

Vin Diesel Fact Of The Week

Vin Diesel was discovered encased in a human-shaped, ashen shell in Pompeii. He had slept through it.

Angelina Jolie Fact Of The Week

Angelina Jolie didn't legally adopt her children. She smuggled them out of various countries in her lips.

Vin Diesel Fact Of The Week

Vin Diesel once bit off the head of Ozzy Osbourne on stage. Of course Ozzy, being a giant sea cucumber, immediately grew a new one.

Vin Diesel Fact Of The Week

Vin Diesel doesn't have a skeleton. He has muscles attached to smaller, tightly-wound muscles.

Angelina Jolie Fact Of The Week

Angelina Jolie was born when one of the veins on Jon Voight's forehead actually popped off and landed in a potted plant.

Angelina Jolie Fact Of The Week

Angelina Jolie can rub her legs together to create a super-energetic sonic wave that can punch through a building.

Vin Diesel Fact Of The Week

Vin Diesel makes tea by steeping British people in hot water.