Reason You May Be An Asshole

You wear old, tattered clothing because it's "ironic," without realizing that it is ironic because you are saying you look poor and needy even though you totally aren't. Isn't that funny?!

Reason You May Be An Asshole

You've ever read a book at a cafe and spent most of your time fantasizing about what you'll talk about if anyone asks what you're reading. Bonus points if you're reading Kerouac, Nietzsche, or Burroughs.

Reason You May Be An Asshole

You have ever, ever, referred to someone with "brah" or "bro" or any permutation thereof.

Reason You Might Be An Asshole

You have ever complained about another person's lawn.

Reason You Might Be An Asshole

You have ever complained about money while sitting in a Starbucks with your Apple laptop out.

Reason You Might Be An Asshole

You have ever worn a t-shirt espousing a particular dietary lifestyle. This applies to bumper stickers, too. If you have both, just die.

Reason You May Be An Asshole

You have ever told someone why they're exercising incorrectly, while you do not have six-pack abs and arms as big as hams. Double points if you are sitting down while you say this.

Reason You May Be an Asshole

You have ever offered diet, exercise, or lifestyle advice as though you were an expert on it because you watch Biggest Loser.

Reason You May Be an Asshole

You have ever sported more than one popped collar.

Reason You May Be an Asshole

You refer to your tattoos as your "tats."

Reason You May Be an Asshole

You criticize the designers on Project Runway like you know what you're talking about.

Reason You May be An Asshole

You have a MySpace/Facebook/LinkedIn page for your purebred animal.

Reason You May be An Asshole

You have more than three pieces of IKEA furniture in your house. One was a gift, one was a mistake, and the last was there when you moved in.

Reason You May be An Asshole

When you walk past the Salvation Army bell-ringers you act like you don't see them, there's something really interesting on the ground, or have a fake cellphone conversation.

Reason You May Be an Asshole

The song 'Ebony & Ivory' was a powerfully moving experience for you.

Reason You May Be an Asshole

During the summer, you have a Chem-Lawn truck in front of your house more than zero times.

You Might Be An Asshole If...

You have a "I love my dog breed" bumper sticker on the back of your car. Extra points if you have it next to another sticker about your honor student and you're driving a Volvo.

You Might Be an Asshole if...

Saying your order at Starbucks takes longer than making it.

You Might Be An Asshole If...

You have ever discussed Italian Neo-Realism outside of a film class. Bonus points if you said that you liked it with a straight face.

You Might Be An Asshole If...

Truck nuts. Need I say more?